Stop Giving Away Your Time & Expertise: Say No to Brain-Picking

This article was written based on the insights of Kevin W. McCarthy, author of “No Brain Picking: 26 Invaluable Perspectives Independent Consultants Need for Satisfaction, Success, and Profitability”, and Dave Seaton, founder of the Chicken Dinner Club, a community dedicated to helping independent consultants get more clients.

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We all know that time is money, and as a solopreneur, this is particularly true. What we often overlook though, is that knowledge is money too. Our time, skills, and expertise are the raw materials of our business. Nevertheless, many of us give them away for free. We often don’t realize that we’re doing it, especially when it comes to friends and colleagues. Have you ever heard something like:

"Hey, Liz! I'm at a fork in the road with my career, and I was wondering if we could have a call so I could pick your brain about an idea I have."

While it's flattering to be asked and it's usually our instinct to be helpful, our default response needs to be no. Why? Because each minute represents earning potential.

The Hidden Cost of Being "Helpful"

As solopreneurs, our desire to help others is a double-edged sword. We want to be needed and share our knowledge, but when someone asks to "pick your brain," they're asking for your valuable perspective for free.

Let's run some numbers to illustrate the true cost of free advice. Say you're a consultant with a $200 per hour billable rate. When your former boss asks to get together for lunch, you might think it's just a friendly catch-up. But consider what’s involved: travel time to and from the restaurant, parking fees, and your constructive insights throughout the meal. This two-hour excursion is $400 of your billable time, and perhaps another $400 in opportunity costs, too. After all, in those two hours you could have been working for a paying client or otherwise improving your business. You’ve just donated at least $400 of time and knowledge, and your former boss improved their position for the cost of a chicken salad.

Of course, it feels good to help someone, but be conscious of what you’re giving away and the trade-offs you’re making. As solopreneur advisor Dave Seaton points out, "It doesn't feel good working on Saturday or missing out on family time because I was a nice guy who had too many free conversations." We must invest our time wisely.

When we give away our time and advice for free, we're not just hurting our bottom line—we're sending a signal to people about how we operate. We're teaching them that our knowledge has little value, that our time is expendable, and that we have flimsy professional boundaries.

Instead, imagine if your former boss called and said, "Hey, I know you've started your consulting business, but I still need your insights for our current project. Can we set up a conversation to talk about how to bring you in to help?" These are the calls we want to receive! We want respectful clients who understand the importance of paying for expertise.

Two Ways to Handle Brain-Picking Requests

Responding to a brain-picking request with a “Yes, but...” reply doesn't mean we’re being cold or unhelpful. We can establish boundaries while still being professional and kind. One helpful tactic favored by consulting expert Kevin W. McCarthy is to place firm boundaries on your guidance upfront. For example, if you’re in a live conversation, you might say:

"I'm happy for us to take fifteen minutes right now for you to share your situation. I’ll give you some initial thoughts, and if we need more time, let's book a meeting for a more meaningful consultation. Sound good?"

Then—and this is crucial—you shut up and listen for their response. If they agree to the fifteen-minute limit, serve them genuinely within that limited time frame. If you’re still talking at the end of those fifteen minutes, inform them that your time is up and invite them to set up a follow-up session, explaining how you work as an independent professional.

If they decline or equivocate, you've saved yourself significant time, mental energy, and the frustration that comes from one-sided relationships.

If the request comes via email, Seaton suggests this approach:

"I appreciate your interest in [the topic], and I'd love to support you in the best way possible. To ensure my clients receive the highest level of service, I now offer mini-consultations for a small fee. If diving into [topic] is still a priority for you, I have a few consultation slots available, and I'd be happy to help. To schedule one of these sessions, please choose a time here: [link]. I'm wishing you much success!"

If they don't respond, they were never going to become paying clients anyway. If they do book a session, you can now treat them like the client they've become.

It's Not About Being Selfish or Greedy

Saying no to brain-picking isn't rude, unhelpful, or dismissive. It's about aligning the best interests of both parties. When we share our advice for free, we may provide rushed, incomplete advice that doesn't truly serve the person asking. When someone becomes a paying client, even for a brief consultation, they receive our full attention and our best thinking. Plus, they tend to be better prepared for the conversation.

Consciously value your time, experience, and expertise. If you don't, others won't either. By applying a "no brain-picking" stance, we assert ourselves as professionals who deserve fair compensation for our knowledge and skills.

As solopreneurs, we’re in the knowledge business: we get paid for what we know that can solve another person's problem or clarify their situation. In this context, picking your brain is akin to picking your pocket. Be aware of your surroundings and proceed with caution!